If a man's dog stands under one foot in height then it had better have an aggressive name. No man shall drive a car that he can lift. If a man must have only a salad for a meal then his salad shall contain no less then 3 items from the meat food group. A man shall keep a set of 30 pound dumbbells in his house at all times regardless of whether or not he lifts weights. If a man has a gun in his home then it his responsibility to ensure that all residents in that household have proper gun handling skills. This includes babies and dogs. Never offer a beer to a recovering alcoholic unless he tells you that he has already fallen off of the wagon. While you do not have to make the most money to be the man in your relationship, you should be able to either run the fastest or lift the most. If none of these apply to you then you are probably not the man in your relationship. Never ask another man for his number. It's just weird. Should you need to contact him for business or sports related purposes then give him yours first. If another man asks you for your number do not give it to him. He just violated the previous man law. No man should ever call another man more then twice in one day. Exceptions to this law will be made only during sporting events and emergency advisory situations. If another man's business ventures are more successful than yours then acknowledge his success and move on with your life. If your girlfriend complains that you don't make enough money and you are working over 50 hours a week then dump her. While it's okay for wives to stay at home, there is no such thing as a stay-at-home-girlfriend. If she doesn't have a ring, then she should be out working even if it's only part-time. If a woman asks you how much money you make within 48 hours of meeting her then feel free to place her in the "casual fling" category. Never let your girlfriend pay for 3 dates consecutively. This could be an attempt to undermine your manhood. Stay aware. If you're eating dinner with your girlfriend or wife at a restaurant that you visit frequently and the check gets placed on the table in front of her then your manhood has been compromised! If a super hot woman walks into a bar, and there are a minimum of 3 men sitting at your table, then her hotness shall be acknowledged by at least 1 guy followed closely with firm agreement from another guy. If you do not have beer, then you are not tailgating. End of discussion. No man shall call to vote for an American Idol Unless quoting his favorite rap song, no man shall use the word "bling" in everyday conversation. If a man does not love his girlfriend then he should not tell her that he loves her. If a woman is reluctant to do something as your girlfriend then she definitely will not do it as your wife. It's all down hill from here. If a man is having a turkey burger then it had better be a piece of turkey logged underneath at least a quarter pound of beef pattie. A man pressured to eat "healthier" tofu should place the tofu on his burger. This not only gives him rights to say that he ate tofu but it also tastes like lettuce so he'll never know the difference on his sandwich. 2 men can never truly share control of the remote control when multiple sporting events are on. This ultimately leads to argument and the break down of the male bond. One man shall control the remote. Trust his judgement. When more then 2 men are about to watch television at a neutral location then the man who has progressed the farthest in collegiate level sports shall have authority of the remote control by default. The only time that it is acceptable to yell at a senior citizen is if a) you are a senior citizen, b) the old man is rooting against your sports team, or c) he has called your girlfriend a hussy or a floozy. If your buddy has a sissy ringtone then it is your duty and obligation to bring it to his attention. Warning: it is perfectly acceptable for a friend to test your loyalty and reliability as a wingman by intentionally using a sissy ringtone. Do not fail this test! If 2 or more other men tell you that your girl is a whore then you should believe them. Any man caught watching Oxygen, WE, or any other station dedicated to female programming better have a pretty girl sitting next to him. No man shall watch Oprah unless he is single and gathering information on how to woo a female. No man shall spend more then 45 minutes in a tub unless the tub is filled with ice. If you are anything less then a man then you are a little girl. These laws are not for you, little girl. Always follow your Man Laws. Trends and fads come and go but being a man will always be cool so be a man Your life is filled with questions. Fret not. We still have the answers. Special thanks to Sportscenter, the Bureau For Better Beef, and The KenSaySo Management Group. Cheers. 2009.